Putting myself out there ...

And realizing my worth, value and stepping up to recognize that I am a commodity.

So this entry will sound a lot different than the last entry, and it will make me sound like sort of a hypocrite, so let me just start out by saying there is a difference between taking a step backwards for a network job, and a network job that only lasts 4 days, and a deal with no end date.

I applied for a job that sound perfect, I wrote in my opinion a pretty great cover-letter to go along with my diverse and full resume, I gave an amazing interview one afternoon sometime in the middle of July. In fact, it went so well, I was actually asked to do another one right there with someone else, and that was going well too, until I heard the dread words “You are not quite qualified” which was odd, because this company called me in for said job, so if I wasn’t qualified then why exactly am I in this office?

Then a little better words were uttered “But you are over qualified for this other job we have open, but would you be interested?” So, I thought to myself, uh sure, maybe, but there would probably have to be a pretty interesting deal worked out, but… I stood my ground and said honestly, I think I’d be ready to take on the responsibilities of the job I was brought in for (and not just because it was the same job I held elsewhere) and while I understand the other department is probably more directly related to what I want to do long term, I’d like to keep pursuing the job I applied for, but I will keep my options open. I left knowing that if nothing else I would be granted a second, well third, interview.

And I was. And when I got there, even after I got glowing recommendations from people who said I should get the job I applied for, and gave a good interview the first 2 times etc etc I was being interviewed for the lower position. Now keep in mind the job I applied for was very similar to 2 jobs I had held in the past, and it was the same title I had held twice before, so a step backwards for a long term gig was hard to swallow…but alas I pressed on and thought… Okay, I’ll roll with this because I could easily see how it would be related to my long term career goals, and if by what I was told in interview number 2, I was over qualified for the job I was now being interviewed for I’d get promoted quickly, so okay why not. It was tough to swallow, but I kept telling myself it all work out, it will all work out…

After a test of my editing skills, and yet another interview I was told that I would hear back by early August. So, I waited, and wondered, and speculated, and prepared myself for what would be offered, and what I would counter offer with, and just hoped it would all work out…

In the end, a deal could not be reached,, and I had to step and recognize that while the economy is bad, and while times are tough, and even though I am not the only person in LA with a pretty decent resume, and that while I only have 4.5 years of experience, that maybe just maybe I might actually deserve more than was being offered, that I am worth more than what was on the table, if nothing else I was at least worth the job I had already done before, and even if it meant waiting a little longer and a more days of having no purpose, I couldn’t agree to the deal that was being offered and if they couldn’t agree to what I was asking for then it wasn’t going to work for either side. Having the job not work out over something like money, was odd, but oddly liberating at the same time. I actually think both myself and the company are better off for the deal not working.

And I just want to point out, it wasn’t just about money, though fine it played a big part. It was about a lot of things, how big the company was or wasn’t, how actually related to my long term goals was or wasn’t it, and while I could see it being related, I didn’t see it being directly on the path I wanted to take, it was about what I was expected to do with the title I was being offered, it was about where I was going and what I wanted, and what they needed, in the ended what they needed wasn’t someone like me, who probably would have realized shortly into it that I wanted to be some place else.

It was a strange few days, but I found it liberating, and I found out that I am a lot stronger than I thought.

I put myself out there and while on some level I may have missed out on the opportunity for a job, I gained the opportunity to stand up for myself, and learn a little something.