Also known as the "joys" of online dating.
For starters, I had no desire to even attempt online dating. In fact for the most part I had every intention of staying single, buying a condo and only having enough room for me, the kitties, and my future pomeranian. I have somehow managed to sabotage any semblance or chance of a relationship I've ever had in one way or another, and let me tell you that list is short to begin with.
So last year when one of my best friends from my whole life got married, another found love in a roommate and then moved to a sweet downtown loft, yet another paired off with his perfectly charming significant other, and set after set of couple friends got engaged. This all left me kind of wishing maybe I too had someone, other than my kitties, to go home too?
I'm certainly not looking for a husband at this point in my life, but I recognize that if I want to maybe one day have a husband, a family and all that goes with it I should probably start to date? The way I figure, it takes time to build a relationship, and I am not getting any younger.
I was firmly against the idea of actively seeking out a boyfriend/date/friend with benefits, I mean aren't these things supposed to happen naturally? But when you're me and you're a workaholic, and most of your best friends in the near area are guys, and you have a strict rule of not dating co-worker, and you've already crossed over into "friend/sister" mode with all the men around you... that doesn't leave much room for meeting some naturally to occur.
So, I realized I had to open myself up to the "cyber world of men" (I can't take credit for that line, I stole it from a friend who used it in her hilarious song, "Match.com" see lyrics and link below) I had seen it work for the aforementioned friend, the aforementioned bride, and the aforementioned paired off friend with his charming significant other, and I have a friend on the east coast who said she was trying it. So I figured what the hell... according to match.com's ads 1 and 3 people now meet "that special person" online. So, I broke my own rule (see I said I was going to do that in the first post) and logged on to okcupid.
At first, it wasn't so bad, post pictures of myself (and I just lost some 60lbs so I'm actually okay with the idea of putting pics of myself online) talk about my likes my dislikes and describe myself in 1000 words or less. Kind of like facebook, but I'm not sharing this profile with my professional/personal/and familiar networks. I sent a couple of messages, got a couple back, nothing really showing any promise, but if I was to be honest to myself and my loyal readers (well reader at this point) I wasn't really trying, I didn't log on ever, I just left it up there and figured meh.
Then the layoff happened and I figured, I'm bored and my savings would only last so long, and an unemployment check is a huge pay cut from my normal salary, so if nothing else I could find someone to talk to over a nice dinner I didn't have to pay for. I kicked it up a notch in recent weeks, getting online daily, sending more messages, winks, icebreakers, and I got a few responses. And then I started getting IM's, actually having conversations with these unknown men. At first it was going well, I found men who liked to cook like I did, who liked the same music, who didn't mind that my ass was a size 12 (and almost a 10 today!), and a few who even told me I was "adorable" or "lovely" which hell isn't what every girl wants to hear?
Then it took a turn for the worst, and I found guys who just wanted to get in my pants. Which ya know what fine, but if that's what I was looking for I would just wear a low cut top and whore myself out in a bar... I have great boobs, it wouldn't have been that hard. But I'm subjecting myself to this stupid website because I was looking for actual dating, and conversation, and all those other things that happen when you're mid way through your twenties and realize that maybe, just maybe you don't want to end up alone with your cats and future pomeranian.
Somehow, rejection was better, I am not just a walking pair of tits... I have a mind, thoughts, feelings, I'm pretty good at holding a conversation, and I'm not on a website to just get laid! I could have done that on craigslist, or a bar. I mean, honestly! I have yet to go back to said website, because in all honesty, I'm over it. I mean in effort to keep myself out there, or keep putting myself out there, I'll have to eventually go back... but maybe for the moment this girl is keeping herself in just a little longer.
And as promised the lyrics to my friends "Match.com" Song.
Well how do I describe myself in a thousand words or less?
That I would end up doing this, I never would have guessed
Why am I here? And what am I lookin for?
Guess I’m tired of the bars and wonderin if there’s somethin more…
Well I looked out one day into the cyber world of men
And little did I know what I was gettin myself in
It says “Click here to find who’s waitin for your next hello”
But are these guys real people that I’d even want to know?
Well we will take your money and provide you with your love
Just take a click and you can pick the one your dreamin of
Is this the answer, just turn my computer on?
Or have a sold my soul to the devil of match dot com
Well I’m already exhausted before he even calls
Too many screen names to remember, too much reading is involved
Is this really worth the fourty dollars that I paid?
When a date is like a one night stand except you don’t get laid
Interlude: Repeat
“Well hi my name is Jake and I just moved here to LA,
I’m just a laid back guy who’s lookin for an easy lay,
I promise I will cuddle and I treat a lady right,
So email me so I can give you my sweet love tonight”
“Um, hi, my name is Brian and I’m not sure what to say,
I thought I’d try this out because I can’t admit I’m gay,
So let’s go out to dinner and we’ll have a lovely chat,
And if things go well I might bring you home to meet my cats”
Am I really on this website lookin for my perfect mate
Do I really need to do this just so I can get a date?
Kill me now, that’s not me, that’s not who I want to be
Does the price of love really cost a monthly fee
Well I tried to unsubscribe and ‘course they wouldn’t let me leave
The fine print says “we’ll charge you next month automatically”
Now I am a slave once I turn my computer on
And I want to get my soul back from the devil of match dot com…
But the devil took my money, I don’t think it’s very funny
Will I ever get out of the hell of match dot com?
Or have I sold my soul
The devil’s on a roll
On match dot com!
- Jackie Sue Cook (www.jackiesuecook.com)
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