You, inspired me, how putting myself out there is helping put other people out there too.

I got the nicest phone call today. A far away in distance, but never far away by heart friend called just to leave me a message, but I answered, color her stunned, I don't always answer my phone, call it a flaw, but I'll put it on the list of things to work on this year.

Anyway, far away friend S called to tell me that I had inspired her. She has been apparently reading this blog and said she felt the need to try new things and to volunteer at new places and try to meet new people. She just had break up and instead of sitting on her ass thinking woe is me, she first joined the gym, and second read my blog and now third is also putting herself out there.

Well far away friend in distance but never far away by heart, I wish you luck, joy and love :)

It wasn't necessarily only my list, but I'm glad that this blog can help others as well.

Not staying in... literally going "out there"

I spent many many many Friday nights, and many many many Saturday nights at home on my couch, with the cats. It's not for lack of invitations out, it's for lack of having any motivation to deal with what going out really means in this city. For starters, one has to drive almost everywhere, and since I tend to be a bit of a control freak I end up driving all my drunk friends around. So, I'm sober and the DD and no one can figure out why that isn't exactly fun for me. But whatever.

I generally believe in good sober fun anyway, a little buzz, a lot buzzed now and then fine, but I always like to know how I, and all of my friends are getting home safe. So generally speaking, in order to avoid getting annoyed with lack of organization and avoid trying to figure out who will stay sober to drive everyone back, and in order to avoid getting things spilled on me etc etc. I tend to stay in on the weekends because while it's not exactly fun and exciting, it's safe and relaxing.

But this weekend, I went out, both Friday and Saturday, I didn't turn down invitations, even though part of me wanted nothing more than to stay at home and do nothing, but since the layoff I've been doing a lot of that anyway, so it was time to get off my ass.

I would love to tell you I got dressed up to the nines and crashed some fabulous party and drank my way my through expensive liquors and danced with handsome men, and came home with a ride from a stranger in a fancy car at dawn and fell into bed and slept the day away to get rid of the hangover. That in the 2 months of this blog I have become the most popular, out there and more confident party goer I have always wanted to be!

Alas, that didn't happen, but that doesn't mean I didn't have a great time! I had a great time! It's funny, on the one hand I'm not surprised at all, I went out with my roommate (who is one of my best friends) my best friend and my best friends mom and bunch of other good friends were joining up with us later for to see one of our favorite bands of all time. But part of the reason I don't go out often is no matter how good something sounds a head of time, something always ends up being waaaay more complicated than it needs to be. Which probably isn't anyone's fault, I think it might just have to do with being 20 somethings in Los Angeles, a city where the metro stops running, cabs are really over priced and hard to come by, unless you want to stay with in your neighborhood, it's just flat out hard to get around.

So Friday night, despite all the awesome things and people that were in front of me, I was apprehensive, but I'm happy to say it was unfounded. We started the night out for dinner at our fave Mexican restaurant, with five dollar margaritas and entree's so large you have to split them, so cheap and amazing. Spent the time catching up with my best friend's mom who is one of my favorite people ever, and just having good conversation. When it came time to head to the show, someone else offered to drive! I didn't have to drive, and while that didn't mean that I was going to drink, it was just nice to not have to drive for once. The Rescues as usual were AMAZING... one of the best bands I've seen live ever, and I've seen them like 5 or 6 or even more times now and they just keep getting better! We even found a corner of the bleacher seats in the loft to sit at (a friend is on crutches...more on that in another post) and we could actually see and hear the band and even the comments we made amongst ourselves. Just an all around great time. We met downstairs after with 3 other friends everyone was glad to see each other and we agreed to finish the night with some good cheap beer and good conversation down the road. Good, clean sober fun. The whole evening reminded me of what it is I do actually go out. So maybe, I'll continue on this going out thing for a bit, I am young after all.

Last night my other best friend (we will refer to her in this blog as hungiemuffin), so last night Hungiemuffin and I decided to try something new. As part of this whole "putting myself out there" situation I pretty much have not decline these offers to do new things, so off we trotted to a jazz club. She has been looking to find places to sing jazz at, and I have been looking to just get out of the normal bar scene. So we got dressed up and headed out...only to find that jazz club had a $5 dollar cover, and electronica bands playing for the evening. Now, a 5 dollar cover would have been fine if there was actual jazz, but alas no. While part of me wanted nothing more at that point to end the adventure there, call it a night and walk a little further down the street to the comfort of Yogurtland, that's not what we did. I turned to my hungiemuffin and said "You said there was a karaoke place at the end of the street?" and off we went. Only to find that no in fact there wasn't a karaoke place at the end of the street. Strike 2. Still mostly undeterred we decided to wander across the street into the little outdoor Little Tokyo mall, and find another karaoke place. Very excited to now have found a new place for the evening we wandered in to a couple singing "Don't Speak" drunkly on stage, we sat, ordered some Udon and waited for more singes. And waited, and waited. No one else got up on stage and while we could have gotten up to sing, we agreed that it would be more fun if we had a bunch of people we know with us. Sort of an epic fail for a wild and crazy evening, but we still had fun, and found a great new hang out, that is cheap, nearish enough by, and that does in fact have karaoke, which I imagine with a large group of friends will be a really really great time!

So maybe I didn't have the most epic weekend ever, but I didn't stay in. And I went some places I hadn't ever been before, and discovered that they were excellent. If I hadn't been putting myself out there I never would have thought of going to Little Tokyo, despite the fact that for months I literally drove past it during carpool and always commented on how fun it looked with no real desire to check it out. Glad I finally did. So maybe this chick will venture out more often, and maybe in the process, I'll become that more fun person I've talked about becoming and maybe even in the process I'll accidently naturally meet someone... who knows, but I think I feel good things coming.

Girl vs. Car/and doing things you don't want to do because you know you should

For the record, I hate having to spend money on my car, I hate that it cost money to have one, and I hate that I am the stereotypical girl when it comes to my car.

I need to windshield wipers during a major rain storm a few months back, I made (or asked nicely by sticking out my bottom lip, and batting my eyes) change them for me during said rainstorm. My car stalled out last year in the parking lot of work, I had the security office jump it for me. I don't have AAA though I really should, and I don't know the difference between the expensive oil and the stuff that is on sale, and I generally get screwed over in said situation either way.

So, last week, yes, last week, when I was told by a nice drive in the lane next to me during rush hour traffic that I need to put air in my back drivers side tire, I kindly thanked him and promptly forgot. Until yesterday when I said to my roommate that I really needed to put air in my tire. Being the girl that I am, and the amount of lazyness that set in since I've been laid off, I didn't do it because well the gas station was on the other side of the street and I was in the wrong lane.

Flash forward a few hours later, said tire was flat... flat flat, like really flat. And, being the girl that I am don't know how to change a tire, and I once again I don't have AAA, even though I should. Sadly my roommate is on crutches, so he couldn't help and my other roommate is also a girl. I did what any self respecting LA girl would do, I complained about it and waited to figure out a way for someone else to change it for me. Enter my upstairs neighbors. I finally decided that my other male friend who was on his way over, wouldn't know how to change it either, and my other friend who changed the windshield wipers would probably never let me live it down if I called him again for yet another car related problem (he also sits in the back of my car every time I think I hear a noise and has also let me pull my car into his driveway so he could smell the smell I was so convinced was coming from my car). So the neighbors it was. Nice guys really, so they came out and changed my tire for my spare thing in the trunk and now I have to make them cookies.

Today, I ran all over town with said spare tire thingy on my car so I could help out my roommate who cannot drive at the moment due to being seriously injured a few months back in a motorcycle accident. But then I really had to go get my tire changed. I dropped off said roommate at my house determined to do at least getting the tire changed on my own.

I didn't necessarily believe in the whole "girls will get treated differently at car places" until I actually a few years ago saw it with my own eyes. But, alas off I troted to the tire places. Being a girl, I'm a bit...sneaky?... manipulative?...clever... I'll go with clever, I knew the first place I went too would probably try to convince me I had to get all new tires, or that it would cost x number of dollars to blah blah and I had no idea what kind of tire I needed, or how much it would cost. So I went to one tire place to get all the info I needed so I could throw a fit at the cost, storm out and then go to another car place with all the info I needed and get somewhat of a fair deal because despite the fact I have boobs, blondish hair and was wearing a t-shirt with a picture of a cat on it, I might have some idea of what I was talking about. So, after being told 103 dollars for a new tire and installation and something else at one place, I did in fact tell him it was too much storm off and proceeded to get a more expensive tire, a patch job for the other tire I apparently needed to have patched and all 4 tires balanced, for 85 dollars. Not to shabby, still more than I wanted to pay, but if nothing else this will serve as a lesson for doing things I should do even when I don't want to them because in the long run I really need too.

I'm not quite sure how this is in anyway putting myself out there, I guess it's a lesson I will need to work on during the course of this year of putting myself out there, and I probably need to call up said male friend who put on my wipers etc etc for my car and ask him to teach me how to change my own tire... so if nothing else next time I can save money on the installation and not knock on my neighbors door to have them put the spare tire thingy on it... and maybe figure out what the spare tire thing is actually called.

Short Post (to make up for yesterday's lack of post)

And more to come later.

As I sat at my computer yesterday, I realized I didn't have much to write about. And this made me kind of sad, not because I didn't post, but because I didn't have anything to post about. One could make the small leap that, if that's the case, maybe I am not putting myself out there enough?

Onward to the weekend, and let's hope I have new things to talk about soon!

A few little things I've done

Maybe it took me over a month to put up a real post but it doesn't mean I haven't tried anything new since then. Certainly nothing earth shattering, but a few little things here and there as part of the year of putting myself out there.

So let's see...

I have in fact learned to drive in the far left lane despite the fact that I am afraid of hitting the guardrail. I used to grip my steering so tight that my knuckles would turn white and I would only go in the far left lane if absolutely necessary. I would do it for a few minutes and start to freak out if I couldn't move over. I have also been known to stay behind slow people to avoid moving in to the left lane. So a few weeks ago, living in LA, I realized it was time to get over this stupid fear. I started out slowly, voluntarily getting in that lane, and driving a few more moments after I started to freak out. Gradually, I could drive down the lane for longer and longer periods of time. Eventually I could actually drive in the lane almost all the way to work (almost 40 miles at the time) and didn't freak out. Passing while in the far left lane was another story. In doing that I was always afraid in an effort to NOT hit the guardrail, I'd hit the car in the lane to the right of me. But again, being in LA where traffic is a pain in the butt, I figured if nothing else I should learn to do it, to say that I can, not to do it all the time. I tried on the way home from work a couple of times (not during carpool, I probably would have had to explain the whole afraid of the left lane and what I was trying to do and I would have never heard the end of it...) and it was a colossal failure the first few times, I'd chicken out slow down and one time I almost got rear ended because I slowed down to much. But eventually, I could actually do it. I don't make a habit of it by any means, I just do it when it is necessary . So not some huge earth shattering accomplishment, but I can cross of those two things on the list of things that scared me that I can now do.

My dear sweet hungiemuffin (haha a great nickname for pretty much my favorite person ever!) and I decided that after her being her over a year, and me being here almost 4 that we should in fact explore Los Angeles, because there are many many places that haven't been seen. So we trotted off to the Getty Center first. I had always been told that the Getty Center was where bad European art ended up because it wasn't good enough for actual European art Galleries. Hungiemuffin (who was an art history major) pretty much agreed, but we wanted to see the Da Vinci exhibit and decided to go up anyway. For starters, it's free! Save for parking, but really 15 dollars split 2 ways for hours of entertainment and some really cool things to look at, in LA, isn't a bad deal at all. We looked at the Da Vinci stuff, wandered a few rooms of what did in fact turn out to be bad European art, somethings were very pretty though, and then ended up at the Getty Gardens outside. Let me tell you, this was where the really neat stuff was. We had so much fun wandering around and looking at all the plant life and taking pictures and generally just being us. It was awesome!

See, very pretty.

Then, despite living a mile from Downtown LA, I've never really explored much of it. So again, on Saturday afternoon, hungiemuffin and I decided to wander. We were in search of her co-workers parent's new store. Which leads me to my next exciting adventure, buying new bras, (sorry guys....) it was long over due, and I was quickly running out of bra's at home I could wear. I'm proud to say, I am 2 size around smaller than I was when I lost bought bra's! I so didn't want to buy new ones because I had no idea what size I was, but I knew it was needed and I knew I had to figure it out sometime so yay! A little strange buying bra's from a friends parents, but what are you going to do?

Hungiemuffin and I continued to wander, we didn't try street food in downtown LA, though it smelled like NYC street food and we thought about, next time we figure we'll be a little more daring. We wandered the fashion district, the toy district and a few other little places that I don't remember, all and all good fun, and I have come to the conclusion that I need to get to downtown LA fast, and never leave.

What else, oh! Talking to random guys in bars. Again, not looking for a husband, or an easy lay, or even anything from them, but out the other evening, I was in rare form. I had confidence in myself and totally sober, I told one guy I was a ninja, after he commented on having to be stealthy online for work, I was told by the DJ in relation to him needing to move a speaker he "needed to be right where you are" to which I for whatever reason replied "it's okay, I get that allll the time." Normally in bars, I'm passive and annoyed, but I was out in super rare form that evening. I even managed a conversation with some on the patio that went pretty well, and I'm sure if I was in it, or out at said bar for any reason other than what I was, said conversation could have gone on to something else. But, we were out celebrating a friends birthday, and I wasn't there to look for a date, oh no, I was actually there to get my dance on. And we danced, and danced and danced, I mean granted it wasn't clubbing by any means, and it wasn't a crazy people all over us dancing on us with us dance party, it was bad 80's and 90's dance music in a fairly open space on the top floor of a random bar in Hollywood, but damnit, it was fun! And waaaay out of my comfort zone at all.

I've got a few more things to add to the list of stuff, I've tried, and done and put myself out there for, so look for more to come.

And there are few more things I still want to try as the year goes on:

* Actual Clubbing, because apparently I stepped out of the room long enough for friends of mine to decide I was going clubbing.

* Vegas, because I have actually no desire to go, and I have friends who think I just need to go, I will of course do it on my terms so there is no insanity that ensues.

*Trying tacos Juanita :) Street taco truck I always drive by and don't eat.

*many many more

Putting myself out in the "dating world"...

Also known as the "joys" of online dating.

For starters, I had no desire to even attempt online dating. In fact for the most part I had every intention of staying single, buying a condo and only having enough room for me, the kitties, and my future pomeranian. I have somehow managed to sabotage any semblance or chance of a relationship I've ever had in one way or another, and let me tell you that list is short to begin with.

So last year when one of my best friends from my whole life got married, another found love in a roommate and then moved to a sweet downtown loft, yet another paired off with his perfectly charming significant other, and set after set of couple friends got engaged. This all left me kind of wishing maybe I too had someone, other than my kitties, to go home too?

I'm certainly not looking for a husband at this point in my life, but I recognize that if I want to maybe one day have a husband, a family and all that goes with it I should probably start to date? The way I figure, it takes time to build a relationship, and I am not getting any younger.

I was firmly against the idea of actively seeking out a boyfriend/date/friend with benefits, I mean aren't these things supposed to happen naturally? But when you're me and you're a workaholic, and most of your best friends in the near area are guys, and you have a strict rule of not dating co-worker, and you've already crossed over into "friend/sister" mode with all the men around you... that doesn't leave much room for meeting some naturally to occur.

So, I realized I had to open myself up to the "cyber world of men" (I can't take credit for that line, I stole it from a friend who used it in her hilarious song, "Match.com" see lyrics and link below) I had seen it work for the aforementioned friend, the aforementioned bride, and the aforementioned paired off friend with his charming significant other, and I have a friend on the east coast who said she was trying it. So I figured what the hell... according to match.com's ads 1 and 3 people now meet "that special person" online. So, I broke my own rule (see I said I was going to do that in the first post) and logged on to okcupid.

At first, it wasn't so bad, post pictures of myself (and I just lost some 60lbs so I'm actually okay with the idea of putting pics of myself online) talk about my likes my dislikes and describe myself in 1000 words or less. Kind of like facebook, but I'm not sharing this profile with my professional/personal/and familiar networks. I sent a couple of messages, got a couple back, nothing really showing any promise, but if I was to be honest to myself and my loyal readers (well reader at this point) I wasn't really trying, I didn't log on ever, I just left it up there and figured meh.

Then the layoff happened and I figured, I'm bored and my savings would only last so long, and an unemployment check is a huge pay cut from my normal salary, so if nothing else I could find someone to talk to over a nice dinner I didn't have to pay for. I kicked it up a notch in recent weeks, getting online daily, sending more messages, winks, icebreakers, and I got a few responses. And then I started getting IM's, actually having conversations with these unknown men. At first it was going well, I found men who liked to cook like I did, who liked the same music, who didn't mind that my ass was a size 12 (and almost a 10 today!), and a few who even told me I was "adorable" or "lovely" which hell isn't what every girl wants to hear?

Then it took a turn for the worst, and I found guys who just wanted to get in my pants. Which ya know what fine, but if that's what I was looking for I would just wear a low cut top and whore myself out in a bar... I have great boobs, it wouldn't have been that hard. But I'm subjecting myself to this stupid website because I was looking for actual dating, and conversation, and all those other things that happen when you're mid way through your twenties and realize that maybe, just maybe you don't want to end up alone with your cats and future pomeranian.

Somehow, rejection was better, I am not just a walking pair of tits... I have a mind, thoughts, feelings, I'm pretty good at holding a conversation, and I'm not on a website to just get laid! I could have done that on craigslist, or a bar. I mean, honestly! I have yet to go back to said website, because in all honesty, I'm over it. I mean in effort to keep myself out there, or keep putting myself out there, I'll have to eventually go back... but maybe for the moment this girl is keeping herself in just a little longer.

And as promised the lyrics to my friends "Match.com" Song.

Well how do I describe myself in a thousand words or less?

That I would end up doing this, I never would have guessed

Why am I here? And what am I lookin for?

Guess I’m tired of the bars and wonderin if there’s somethin more…

Well I looked out one day into the cyber world of men

And little did I know what I was gettin myself in

It says “Click here to find who’s waitin for your next hello”

But are these guys real people that I’d even want to know?

Well we will take your money and provide you with your love

Just take a click and you can pick the one your dreamin of

Is this the answer, just turn my computer on?

Or have a sold my soul to the devil of match dot com

Well I’m already exhausted before he even calls

Too many screen names to remember, too much reading is involved

Is this really worth the fourty dollars that I paid?

When a date is like a one night stand except you don’t get laid

Interlude: Repeat

“Well hi my name is Jake and I just moved here to LA,

I’m just a laid back guy who’s lookin for an easy lay,

I promise I will cuddle and I treat a lady right,

So email me so I can give you my sweet love tonight”

“Um, hi, my name is Brian and I’m not sure what to say,

I thought I’d try this out because I can’t admit I’m gay,

So let’s go out to dinner and we’ll have a lovely chat,

And if things go well I might bring you home to meet my cats”

Am I really on this website lookin for my perfect mate

Do I really need to do this just so I can get a date?

Kill me now, that’s not me, that’s not who I want to be

Does the price of love really cost a monthly fee

Well I tried to unsubscribe and ‘course they wouldn’t let me leave

The fine print says “we’ll charge you next month automatically”

Now I am a slave once I turn my computer on

And I want to get my soul back from the devil of match dot com…

But the devil took my money, I don’t think it’s very funny

Will I ever get out of the hell of match dot com?

Or have I sold my soul

The devil’s on a roll

On match dot com!

- Jackie Sue Cook (www.jackiesuecook.com)

Putting myself out there and looking for...

... A new job.

Sadly, in the waaaay to much time it took me to post first actual post, my company downsized. I'd love to say I was surprised, but the writing had been on the wall for a few weeks. While it wasn't a total surprise it was a bit of a shocker.

So, quite literally for the last 3 weeks I have been putting my resume, my work experience, my references, and everything else, out there. And I have had some bites, some interviews, and a couple of suggestions I could head back to a job from the past. But, there is nothing in the world like losing your job (through no fault of my own mind you) to make on feel like a failure.

I had an interview that I thought went well, no I take that back, I thought it went great, I went it with glowing recommendations from people I used to work with, and rave reviews, I talked to the interviewer for over an hour and thought when I left I had sealed the deal.

Wrong.

I had another interview for a job I didn't even apply too, so color my stunned when I got there and had NO IDEA what was going on at the interview. I wont' be hearing back from them any time soon.

I have gotten rejection emails from companies that didn't even have the time of day to interview me. I guess it's better than the waiting game, but what the hell? Way to kick someone when they are down.

I hate interviews, and I hate looking for jobs. I'm an action person, and there are only so many jobs out there to apply too, I spend all day looking, refreshing pages, emailing people I know to see if there is anything out there. This is insanity. I repolish my resume daily, taking things out, putting new things on there, changing descriptions of things, writing coverletters, re-writing coverletters, etc.

It is hard to put yourself out into the world on a piece of paper. My mom always says that once people meet me it's hard not to notice my work ethic and enthusiasm. While I have a halfway decent resume, it's hard to get much from a piece of paper that someone will read for approx 8 seconds.

Le sigh...and then if there is an interview, it's worse than the first day of school, a date, the prom etc. What does one wear to these things? Something formal, but not to formal, business casual is great in NYC and in winter, in LA it's a bit more complicated... no flip flops, fine, easy enough, but then do I wear my black flats or the heels, or the knee high boots? Then make up... how much is too much, surely not going out on a Friday night make up, but how little is too little, you don't want to look like you spend all your time primping, but you don't want to look like you don't care. Hair? Up is more professional, but makes you look a bit stuck up, I work in TV, we don't really need more stuck up people there, down is too laid back, half up half down looks like a child's hair style... dear god.

Once you get in the door, it's a matter of conversation, but once it goes south, how do you get it back, once it delves into off topic things, is it over? And why is it that no one seems to know who they are talking too before they get in the room, why is it they feel the need to go over your resume point by point? ARGH!!

Talk about putting yourself out there! This whole process makes me feel so vulnerable, and frustrated... argh...

But in the mean time, I'm trying a whole host of other fun things to put myself out there... and I'll update with more adventures soon.