"It's time to begin... isn't it?"

It's been almost a year since I've updated.  Once again so much has changed.  I've moved... again....again... I think I'm on my third again since I've had this blog.  Which for those of you keeping track has been since 2010.  So that's the move from CA to CT, CT back to CA, and now CA to CO.  All the "C" states... it's apparently a thing.  Maybe in my next life I'll hit up all the "M" states. Anyway, I've actually gotten pretty good at putting myself out there.

I've tried a hell of a lot of new things, started things, finished other things, started things I really did want to follow through on and admittedly given things up half way through, or before they had a chance to really blossom. I've given up things to get back to other things, not the least of which was my job at a big name media company where I lived in the middle of nowhere, didn't haver lot of friends nearby and was more of a number at work somedays than I was a person. I went back to a much smaller, lesser known company where I am a person, a person people know, I hope like, and where am I less of a number, albeit part of a growing number of real people, to a city not in the middle of nowhere, to a group a huge group of friends.

I tried to start an online cooking show and corresponding food blog, only to give up because for one reason or another.  BUT since trying that out, I've actually started cooking more, and finally have started baking, and I'm actually getting better and better every time.  I finally shelled out the cash for the Kitchen-aide mixer I've always wanted.  So maybe it was a win?

I had to leave my beloved (yeah sue me) cats behind in NY when I went back to CA from CT, and it took a long time to accept that for reasons beyond my control that's where they live now, that's their home... It was difficult and it sucked and yeah, I cried.  I eventually got another cat, and while it's not exactly the same, I love her, I'm happy I adopted her, I'm happy she's my pet.

I totaled a car, and bought a new one.  I did it all by myself and I'm it's weird but I'm wicked proud of myself for doing that.  I fulfilled the dream my 16 year old self had.... I bought a Jetta, yeah, a Jetta. VW did a campaign a few years ago where the slogan was "The Jetta... All Grown Up"... I feel like a grown up in this car.

I switched to a different part of the industry I work in.  I work in Promotions/Marketing now.  I wasn't sure how I felt about it, until now, at midnight, on a plane, 3 hours away from landing on the East Coast and just hours away from a vacation I've been counting down too for the last 6 months, and a reunion that's been 4 years in the making. (But that's a different post for a different time.)

I used to think I wanted to produce the Today Show, and why not leave that on my list as a thing to possibly one day do in the future, why not keep one old goal on that list.... the list is now much shorter, though not simpler, if anything it's on line that could mean any number of things... I want to run things. I want to head up some sort of creative company, and for the first time I really think I want it to be my own, I want to be my own boss, I'm still years away from that point, but I'm putting it out there to the world now.  Watch out, I'm going to run things.

I'm inspired again, I have to be honest, it's been awhile... maybe years, since I've felt this good about this industry, this crazy, difficult, fun, and altogether insane life I've chosen to carve out for myself.  I feel like I finally get it, I finally woke back up and thought to myself "everything I've done up to this point has to be leading to somewhere... why not put my money where my mouth is and make shit happen."  It's time to start taking big steps, not just a bunch of little ones, time to stop pretending, time to start doing, start pushing, and start dreaming bigger.   Right now, this is the most inspired I've felt in 3 years. 3 years is a long time, almost half my career, and it's not that I wasn't inspired at one point or another during the last 3 years, it's just probably been 3 years since I've been this inspired. And I'm not even sure what it is I was actually inspired to do, other than the very vague "run things" and I don't know what any of this new found inspiration means for me right now, next year or in the coming years, I just know that it's here.


I had been worried recently that maybe I didn't want to work in TV/Media/Entertainment anymore. I was worried because I wondered if I was only doing it because I literally don't know how to do anything else.  I was worried because I wondered if maybe I'm actually really bad at it and no one has had the heart to tell me... and then I realized, that if I didn't want do it anymore why in the hell was I worried if I was bad at it?  If I truly didn't care, then why did it bother me so much that I might be bad at it.  Then I realized I'm worried that I might be bad at it because I don't want to do anything else, and in addition  to like what I do, I want to be good at it.  No, ya know what, I want to be great at it, I want to be bad ass at it.  I want someone years from now to look up and say in 10 years I want to be her... I want the "her" to be me. I want to be one the speakers at the conference I was just at, maybe even one of the Keynotes, I want to change the shape, face, and landscape of this industry... I want someone to actually want to be me. (my roommate tells me she wants to be like me when she grows up... I keep telling her she doesn't, and I'm not a grown up)


I've always talked about getting a Masters degree, it wasn't until I actually started looking at grad schools that I realized I in fact, want an MBA... yeah, me who is pretty sure I have no head for business, wants an MBA.  I have been told time and time again I don't need one I work in television, but ya know what?  I've seen shows and companies live and die based off of what the people in charge did and didn't understand.  I worked on a show that got canceled because the money guys were in real estate and actually had no concept of how TV worked, or how much it literally costs to put on a show... in the end were costing the company "too much money" when in reality our budget was much much smaller than any big network show and we had learned very quickly to cut costs on our own.  I've worked at companies where the guys in charge understood the TV side of things, and not so much the money side of things and while they understood TV cost money to produce, and good TV costs more money to produce, they might not have understood how to get that money, or that we have to money to spend. The latter happened more often in my life than the former.  I realized from these experiences and whole host of other ones that maybe I should take the time to understand both sides of the coin, because maybe then I can make great TV/Media/Movies/Etc and keep myself afloat in the process, find new ways to make money and new ways to save it... I can go after big new projects and still afford to pay my team.

Someone once told me that I was going to be a mover, and a shaker in this industry, and at the time I didn't want to be, but guess what, it's time to start moving, and start shaking. Someone else once told me in 10 years he'd be working for me (it's been 5 since then...) so why not prove him right and in 5 more years, be in a situation where I can offer him a job. Someone before that told me I was going to be "overworked and underpaid for (at least) 10 years" he totally wasn't kidding BTW... that was 7 years ago... and my mom once told me I was going to set the world on fire.  It's hard to tell if she meant that in a sweet motherly uplifting way, or if she literally meant I was accidentally set the world on fire... it could be either one.

To be honest, I am not even sure what any of this I'm feeling means (though sidebar Hungiemuffin, let's do this!) but I'm excited again... I've said it before and I'll say it again because I think it's worth repeating.  I told my parents at 11 I wanted to go to the Olympics one day, I wasn't sure how, when, or even what that actually meant at the time.  But, then, 10 years later.... I went to the Olympics. So I'm putting out this new equally not yet thought out goal... I want to run things... let's see what this 10 years brings me shall we?

Television, media, the internet, content, storytelling, marketing, advertising, movies etc... it's all changing and I want to be a part of all it. I want to be a part of history, and before you go on to say it's just television what's that got to do with history?  Right now, I think... everything.  Or at least how we record, document and pass it along, why not be a part of it? Now is the time where my generation can be pioneers of television, pioneers of media, pioneers of the industry we have come to love (and hate somedays... I feel like TV and I are Meredith and Derek, "we love each other even we hate each other") I have had the opportunity to meet the people from the "golden age" of television and I want to be part of the "golden age of media".

I have nothing else to say at this point. I can't give you a sneak peak at coming attractions but I don't know when, or how long it's going to take for them to come, but they're coming... oh yeah, they're coming.