Putting an olive branch out there

I have to wonder though...is it still considered an "Olive Branch" if the person you're extending it too didn't even realize there was a rift? Is it still an "Olive Branch" if the person you're extending it too is the person who should actually be extending it??



I'll admit some reaching out has been done, and I'll admit that I am not 100% blameless, but to put it bluntly it almost feels like too little too late. But I'm reminded of a quote from my favorite show of all time, Buffy, "to forgive is an act of compassion, it's not done because people deserve it, but because they need it."



I think in general I forgive people for hurting me all to easily. But, just so we're clear, if someone hurts someone I love there is very little chance of forgiveness and I will in fact unleash my well hidden (but still awful) bitch mode... you think I'm kidding but I'm really really not. Clearly I've digressed again, this is about forgiveness not my inner bitch coming out to play.



I have this not so hidden desire to make sure everything is okay, with everybody, all the time. It's probably part of my control issues, but I don't like it when people are mad at me, and I don't like being mad at people, so I forgive, often times forget, and move on. And I usually end up getting hurt and pissed off again. I've done my fair share of not nice, mean, stupid and upsetting things and people always seem to forgive my mistakes so why shouldn't I forgive other people's?



It's come to my own attention that I have let people walk all over me for a long time. I have made up excuses for people, and let things slide and watched people continue to do dumb things and maybe even things that I wouldn't forgive other people for. All because they've forgiven me time and time again. But it's come to my attention that I'm not helping anyone with this continuous cycle. I tried to be angry, and upset and even got down on paper all the things I wish I had the strength to actually say, and then just like always it dissipated and I wasn't so angry any more. I came to the conclusion that I just needed to leave well enough alone and let the chips fall where they may, but for many many reasons I couldn't do that either. But even still, I for the first time in a long while was still angry, upset and frustrated, I still am on a lot of levels, but ...


I put myself out there and extended an Olive Branch, and things magically got better, all is right with the world and it's like nothing has ever changed and it's all gravy!



That's a big fat lie, but the Olive Branch has been extended because I was afraid if I didn't do it I'd lose out on some people completely, and though I've threatened to be done with people before, I'm not really ready for that. Or maybe I just not ready to be done with it on terms that aren't my own. Who knows... but despite being, some what angry, upset and frustrated it's like the quote above said, forgiveness is an act of compassion, and if nothing else I'm a pretty compassionate person.