Putting myself back out there.

After this I am done talking about my road trip, at least in the blog for the moment, I actually think looking back in general the whole trip was a journey that I will probably use as a metaphor or something.

(I really did want to keep up with this blog… le sigh)

So I’m going to give you a rundown of the last 4 months in as few words as possiblekeep going from there.

Let’s see last anyone who was keeping with this read was I was making my way to Canada/US border.

We got in no problem, so that’s kind of anti-climatic, but I was un-intentionally snarky to the Customs attendant. He wanted to know where we had come from, I answered that day we had come from MI, but we had started our journey in Los Angeles. He asked where we were going, I told him, he asked what my current address was. I blinked a few times and came back with the most honest answer I could, because at that very moment, I had no address. “Uh, this grey car?” was my answer. He couldn’t really say anything to that, looked at our passports, and looked at our ID’s and sent us on our merry way.

Our merry way just happened to be to the home of the original BUFFALO WINGS!! MMMM

I had been telling Babs for years she had never had real chicken wings, because she had never been to NY. Well since we were in NY, and we were where the original wing was, that’s where we were going.

They were good. That’s all you really need to do about that.

Then 3 more hours in the car, down a dark and scary road (a dark tight road if you will LOL inside joke) we arrived at my parents house in upstate NY.

I had done it, I put myself out there on the open road and I had moved back east. Even though road trip was over the adventure was just beginning, and let me tell you my friends it has been a wild ride.

Putting my car out there and...

...In a different Country?

Canada is a different country, maybe not a foreign one per se, but a different country none the less. I add the question mark to the title because, on our road trip we didn't expect a trip the Maple Leaf Country.

On our last day on the road trip Babs offered to start the drive out and drive until we closer to our final destination. This was a'okay with me because my hands hurt that morning so I figured I'd pop some advil, take a nap and we'd be driving onwards through Ohio and PA and then NY in no time.

Wrong! Oh Austin (our GPS) what did you do?!?!?

I have no idea how many minutes our hours later it was but I felt a slightly panicked poking on my arm and then heard the words I never expected to hear "Hey Jen, are we supposed to b driving through Canada?!?!"

Um, NO!!!

Well, my type A, easily panicked self kicked into over drive. OMG! Canadian border, OMG, I don't know where my passport is, I wasn't expecting to need it on my drive across the US, OMG, I don't have any of the kitty's paperwork with me, can they even come across the border? What if they want to search my car??!?! Not because I have anything illegal in it, but it already took me 3 days to pack up all the boxes in it and then a whole day to pack the car so it all fit! WHAT DO WE DO?!?!?!

Luckily Babs was there to calm me down and remind me it would all be okay. I took a deep breath and realized that I did in fact know where my passport was (because apparently you need one to get in to Canada these days) and luckily it was in the cab of the car and not the trunk.

So we got into the country no problem. We stopped to get gas and this is where things got even more hairy. The gas station had some "glitch" in there system that caused an additional 100 dollars to be charged to my account. I have this habit of checking my account online on my blackberry pretty much after every purchase because I want to make sure all is well. Thank God I did this time because within 5 minutes of the "glitch" I was on the phone with the gas station and fighting with them because they claimed it was a bank error and they could not do anything about it.

So, I guess this was a lesson in sticking up for myself when I know something is wrong, and putting myself out there and getting thing taken care of. I went back into the gas station, and maybe it wasn't my most mature moment, but I basically gave the guy at the counter hell, called my bank and got the charge reversed because I was unemployed and moving cross country, and 100 bucks was not something I could even consider trying to part with for something that wasn't my fault or my purchase. So for the most part this situation was handled and was done. An hour later we were back on the road.

By this point I think both Babs and myself were tired and just done with the road trip, the US border and the remaining drive through NY could not come fast enough. But as tired as we were we continued to try and make the best of it.

Once I realized that we were going to be driving through Buffalo, and Babs had never had real New York Wings, and the Canadian/US border was only 1.5 miles from Anchor Bar (the original Buffalo Wing) I realized well if nothing else at least we could get great wings!

MMMM.... but first we had to get through the border!!

More on that in another post

Putting my car out there 2

So I resume my previous post.

After 2 crazy days hitting up places full of super fun things to do and see, our third day on the road set Babette, myself and the kitties off to Wichita Kansas, and the old adage about there being nothing to see in the middle of the country is true. There was not a whole lot to look at between Denver and Wichita.

But that doesn't mean that we didn't have a great time getting there. We stopped a long the way and found a Russel Stover factory store, and spent prolly too much money on for sure too many calories. Worth every penny, and every hour in the gym! LOL , so that was a hoot. It was on our way to Wichita though that we discovered the GPS we were using might not be as good as we had thought. It kept directing us to places that didn't exist. We wanted Ribs in KS, and we thought we'd never get them.

When we stopped for lunch we "put the kitties out" in the world. By that I mean, we had lunch outside and brought the cat carriers outside and let Baby kitty out on her leash to explore, so they got some fresh air. And we did end up getting some great pictures of the sun on our drive.

We were staying with some of my very best friends from LA's parents (also check out their band www.intercepttheband.com) in Wichita, and while there wasn't much to see along the way, we actually had a very excellent evening in KS in the form of good ole fashion mid-west hospitality. the family showed us a great evening and even provided us with the Ribs we had so craved. It was easy to see where my friends get their warmth and love from, their family showed us nothing less. I want to put a note of thanks again in this blog! Much love to the whole group!

The original plan from KS was to head to Indianapolis, but the friends we had planned to stay with were no longer going to be in town and while there are some fun things to see in Indianapolis after talking with our KS hosts, we decided the next stop on our journey should be the St. Louis Arch! I had been before, but it was a quick trip and I don't remember being as in awe of it the first time round as I was the second time.

We once again dropped the kitties off at the hotel and headed towards our destination. It was amazing, it's HUGE, it is so much bigger than I had remembered it. When we arrived we were in luck because not only could we get to the top of the Arch (last time I couldn't go) but we could go at was basically sunset and there was a baseball game going on right below us. It was just a great view of the city, the game and the sunset. Perfect really. It was sort of symbolic too, standing in the "Gateway to the West" watching the sunset in the west and looking eastward to what is a whole new chapter in my life. Strange how the timing worked out.

The next day we were back in the car again and headed to one of my best friends in the whole wide world's house in Grand Rapids Michigan. Not a whole lot to see in Michigan, but any excuse to see one of my bff's is a good one! And, while I'm not necessarily a super religious person by any means, I absolutely believe that I was supposed to be in Grand Rapids that Sunday morning. You see, bff and Babs are both very good Baptists, and as it turns out the church bff goes to is the same church Babs' sister recommended she go to while we were in town. The sermon was all about "dislocation and relocation" and how for awhile any change in location will feel like dislocation but over time it becomes relocation, and about the transition can change you in good ways if you let it, and how relocation means the chance to rebuild. Boy, if there was anything I needed to hear on cross country road trip to re-start my adult life, it was that. I didn't say anything then, but the sermon actually moved me to tears, it home and made me realize that yes, I was in fact moving in the right direction.

The right direction in the metaphorical sense... maybe not in the literal sense...but more on that another night LOL

Putting my car out there...

...on the open road

(at the bottom of this post are the lyrics to the Goofy Movie Song "Out on the Open Road" because it has been stuck in my head all day!)

The first time I drove cross country I was with a very good friend and her sister and we were in 2 different cars, and by the end of day 1 we had just decided okay, let's just get to Los Angeles. I think we were both a bit shell shocked that we were moving cross country in the first place, so as much as we planned about stopping and seeing things we didn't. We arrived on September 1, 2006 and it wasn't the road trip we were hoping for. In fact the whole situation wasn't what we had expected, and I vowed to stay only 6 months.

So, 4 years (minus 1 day) into my 6 month stay in Los Angeles, I finally left. August 31, my road trip buddy, known in this blog as Babs (who is real LOL) took off. I had initially couldn't find a buddy, and thought I was going to have to do it solo, but thank God, Babs came through! :)

There we were, Babs, me, my beloved kitties and the open road. Unlike the first time I had a very planned out route, places to stop along the way, and things I wanted to see. And oh yeah, this time I had cat carriers, so it made things like stopping to see things a bit easier.

So our first "stop" was Vegas. Though, because our actual first stop was still 8 hours from Vegas, we did a Vegas drive-by, took pics and then headed further North/East. In 4 years in LA I didn't ever go to Vegas so it was nice to see. Our actual first stop for the night was in Salt Lake City Utah. I have always wanted go to Salt Lake since the 2002 Olympics, and I wanted to let my inner (and usually outer) Olympic geek out! We stayed with a good friend/practically family member who showed us amazing hospitality and a very nice evening in Salt Lake. We even found roads that were 80mph (DUDE) The next morning we headed out early towards Park City Utah to see the rest of the Olympic-y things. AWESOME!!! :) I was so amazed by everything in front of me. I have always been an Olympic geek, being in Torino in 06 really did only made it worse. Despite my love of the moving Cool Runnings and growing up really only hours from Lake Placid, NY, I had never seen a real bobsled track! It was sooooo cool, I was like bouncing out of my car! All and it all the whole morning was amazing, I even got a Salt Lake Pin!! Babs and I both found a love of Salt Lake City and I will one day retire there and work in the Salt Lake Winter Olympic Museum.

The first day in the car was loooong, almost 12 hours, the kitties were cranky, and Babs and I were tired, but all and all not a bad first day. I was so excited to be on the road with a good friend headed towards an Olympic Mecca that I didn't even have time to be sad so that was a step in the right direction.

After Salt Lake we headed on to Denver CO, yet another place I had never been. It was my goal to cross off more states on this trip and by day 2, I had added NV, UT, WY and CO to my already sort of good size list. We had a nice drive to Denver, very pretty, the kitties were in a much better mood day 2 and while we were looking to doing fun CO things, we were also very excited to sleep in our own beds at the hotel! LOL, at that point I hadn't slept in a real bed in days, since I had moved my mattress, slept on a friends coach and shared a bed with Babs the night before, I was looking forward to a nice bed. All day in the car we discussed where we were going to eat in Denver, because the goal was to eat things you could only get in the cities were going to be in and I wanted to try beer all along the way. About 20 mins from Denver, it hit me. What does CO have that would be an awesome place to stop and say we went too?!??

CASA BONITA!! (that's right we took the advice of Cartman and the Katy Perry Parody http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nYGpelWYFx0"> Colorado Girls And while the food wasn't the best either of has ever eaten by far, the margaritas were pretty good, and the atmosphere was pretty excellent, cliff divers, and arcade, music, and whole little Mexican like village in side, and these amazing Mexican puffy bread things which were amazing! It was a good time. Then we made what a good pilgrimage to the Real World 18 house (RW18 was my first paying gig in LA) and wandered a little bit in Denver's Downtown, hitting up the bar that was in the CO girls video where the are "Sipping Coors Light" though I didn't realize it till later. A pretty good stop in Denver if I do say so myself. We also tried to eat a cookie bigger than our heads, and even splitting it we couldn't do it. We also tried some great local beers that were not Coors light! We managed to get to bed fairly early that evening and were excited to hit the road again in the morning.

But that's all for now, I can't give away all the fun in one post now can I?

Putting the news out there...

… that I'm moving to New York at the end of the month out there.

(Okay, for starters I should mention this entry and the last 5 or so were written in past tense I’ve already moved to New York, but I had neglected my blog and I wanted to tell the story in the order things happened and putting at the end of the month might sound like I‘m moving soon, but in fact I already have moved so, forgive the messed up timeline. )

Harder actually than making the decision was telling my friends. I know I can’t base my whole life around what my friends are doing, but many of these people have been my support system for the better part of the last 4 years and a good chunk the better part of the last 8 years, so it wasn’t going to be an easy conversation.

After talking to my roommate/good friend B, and Hungiemuffin I started talking to everyone else.

I started with the friend who told me to make a decision about what I wanted, I don’t think he believed I was going anywhere because I change my mind like I change my socks.

Moved on to friend who if I had to be honest on some level I followed to LA, and who had heard me threaten for years that I was going back to NY, when he was actually extremely supportive of my actually well thought plan, I knew I was making the right decision.

I told a few friends I was thinking about it at a bar one night, and while they were a bit sad to see me go, I don’t think they really thought I was going anywhere yet.

Then the month of August went on. And I still hadn’t told but a handful of people that I was actually going, I think on some level I too was in shock and afraid to actually say the words out loud because, what if for some reason I chickened out and didn’t go? What if at the last minute a job came through in LA and I found yet another reason to stay just a little longer? No, I wasn’t saying a word.

Then one night, about 3.5 weeks before I was set to roll out, I bumped into an entire group of friends at bar one night, and since I hadn’t see anyone for awhile, and I again if I had to be honest since I had been avoiding everyone for awhile we played catch up… and my big secret came out.

Now, news in the Ithaca alumni community travels faster than DP dough through an IC students digestive system (and us IC kids know that is faaaaaaast) so after I spilled the beans to some friends at a bar, I knew it was time to put it on Facebook.

An announcement was made and a date for my roommate B and my “house cooling” party was set. And I started to tell many other people, because the more people I told the more real it became. And hell if were going to throw a party, I was really going and there was no turning back now.

So, I started telling a few more people and asking for help in finding work on the east coast in my chosen field and help getting closer to the job I’ve always wanted. I started applying to jobs on the east coast and even had a few phone calls back. Life was really setting me up for the move east.

It was sad telling people I was leaving and it was even sadder still leaving people behind. But in true Ithaca College party fashion, the “house cooling/going away a party” was a big… BOUNCE!

It was weird saying goodbye to people that night, because normally it’s just a hey I’ll see you next week, and this time it wasn’t really goodbye, still more of a I’ll see you later type deal, but it was weird because I had no idea when the next time I would see some of these people again. Sad, but still things hadn’t actually set in yet.

The day after the party, I put myself in my room with a hangover, that doesn’t happen hardly ever so I guess I was long over due. I said goodbye to a couple of people that night post hangover and it was sad, but it still hadn’t dawned on me what that really meant till days later.

The day before I left was the longest day ever, I had so much to get done and clean and pack up in my car, and people still wanted to see me. I was tired cranky and just wanted to not go anywhere, or see anyone. It was a very stressful day, but I got through it by a little help from my friends. I said goodbye to the rest of everyone that night, saving some of the people I was closest to for last because I really hate saying goodbye to those people (every time I say goodbye to Hungiemuffin it’s a very long time before I see her again, and I always always always cry like a baby L ) but again I did it. I put my feelings out there to the people I loved.

So… The news was out, applications were out, I put my futon, tv stand and mattress out on Craigslist, selling the first two items, I put many of my clothes that were too big and items that wouldn't fit in my car out into the world of Goodwill, I purchased cat carriers and leashes for the kitties and I had a route all planned out, I had a road trip buddy picked out and… it was time for me to get out.

Putting it all out on the table and...

…deciding what I want in life.

A week or so after my job ended I had very long talk with a good friend of mine. He likes to give me advice and weigh in on what I should or shouldn’t be doing with my life. I don’t mind too much, because I keep going back to him for advice, so I’m either glutton for punishment or I must think he know what he’s `doing.

Anyway, I digress.

It is no secret, and hasn’t been for years that I have very specific and high aspirations for my career goals. I won’t post them here directly, but let’s just say the job I want involves getting my ass up at some ungodly hour and being sent all over the world/US tracking down great stories and covering big events. And well, those goals can’t actually be achieve in Los Angeles.

This is something I’ve written about in past blogs, and journals. The eternal, do I live where I love to live, or do I move 3000 miles back to east to work where I would love to work. Because I can’t actually have both. (though I do looooove NY!)

So I actually had the discussion out loud with said friend, for the first time. He told me I needed to decide what I want and what was more important to me, living Los Angeles, and giving up the long time dream of said job on the east coast or giving up living in Los Angeles for an attempt to get the job that I’ve always wanted.

Sounds so easy. WRONG.

The conversation went on for awhile and it end with him just flat out telling me I needed to figure out what I want, because he couldn’t help me if I didn’t know what I wanted.

So I thought about it, and I had made the decision that I wasn’t going anywhere, I loooved Los Angeles, most of my best friends from college where there, I had a support system, a ridiculous number of flip flops that I could wear all year long,, an apartment that I loved (despite the roommate situation) and I couldn’t ever see myself giving up my car.

So it was settled, I was staying in Los Angeles, and I would just have to find something else to set my heart on as far as work went because I though staying in LA and finding a new goal would be easier than moving again trying to reach one goal.

So I went on about how I wanted to start dating (see post about online dating here) and how, once I found work, I wanted to settle down and buy a couch and a big screen, a king size bed, and get a nice 2 bedroom or large 1 bedroom for me and my beloved kitty cats.

This lasted about a week. Slowly the realization came that no, no I was not willing to give up the dream I’ve had for I don’t even know how many years. I got into television to do basically 2 things, having already done the Olympics twice and realizing that if I wanted to do more I’d probably have to be on the east coast for that anyway, it dawned on me it was time to start actually pursing my number 1 television goal of working for above aforementioned job! And no, I couldn’t do that in Los Angeles.

I realized that while sure I wanted a couch and a big screen and a boyfriend (and gasp maybe one day even a husband and family) getting all those things on the west coast was crazy, because one day I knew I was going to roll over on my king size bed, next to my cats (or boyfriend) and head off to work at a job that was so far away from what I set out to do that I would have to realize I might have made a mistake. I couldn’t buy a couch in LA and expect to take it 3000 miles away to NY if I decided to move there later in life. I couldn’t meet a man in LA and promise to stay in LA forever, knowing in the back of my mind I gave up the possibility of that dream job on the east coast and that someday staying in LA forever might not be in my plans and our relationship would end. That my friends was when I decided that in addition to NOT in anyway being able to give up the dream of working for the aforementioned job, I couldn’t become a grown up in LA because I knew even though I loved it I wasn’t always going to want to stay there.

So , after a long discussion with roommate and good friend B, when the crazy of idea of moving to NY at the end of the month to stay with my parents or extended family while I canvassed the entirety of the eastern sea board looking for work that would actually help me achieve the goal of working for aforementioned job, started to make more sense then staying in LA unemployed on my Ikea bed frame, where I didn’t own any furniture other than a futon and a cheap papas an chair , it was really time to go.

So, my readers, I set a date, started packing, and made the decision to actually move to New York!

If that’s not a big step in the year of putting myself out there I don’t know what is.

I put myself out there and decided I want to live in New York, work in New York and maybe even find a date in New York!

Putting myself out there ...

And realizing my worth, value and stepping up to recognize that I am a commodity.

So this entry will sound a lot different than the last entry, and it will make me sound like sort of a hypocrite, so let me just start out by saying there is a difference between taking a step backwards for a network job, and a network job that only lasts 4 days, and a deal with no end date.

I applied for a job that sound perfect, I wrote in my opinion a pretty great cover-letter to go along with my diverse and full resume, I gave an amazing interview one afternoon sometime in the middle of July. In fact, it went so well, I was actually asked to do another one right there with someone else, and that was going well too, until I heard the dread words “You are not quite qualified” which was odd, because this company called me in for said job, so if I wasn’t qualified then why exactly am I in this office?

Then a little better words were uttered “But you are over qualified for this other job we have open, but would you be interested?” So, I thought to myself, uh sure, maybe, but there would probably have to be a pretty interesting deal worked out, but… I stood my ground and said honestly, I think I’d be ready to take on the responsibilities of the job I was brought in for (and not just because it was the same job I held elsewhere) and while I understand the other department is probably more directly related to what I want to do long term, I’d like to keep pursuing the job I applied for, but I will keep my options open. I left knowing that if nothing else I would be granted a second, well third, interview.

And I was. And when I got there, even after I got glowing recommendations from people who said I should get the job I applied for, and gave a good interview the first 2 times etc etc I was being interviewed for the lower position. Now keep in mind the job I applied for was very similar to 2 jobs I had held in the past, and it was the same title I had held twice before, so a step backwards for a long term gig was hard to swallow…but alas I pressed on and thought… Okay, I’ll roll with this because I could easily see how it would be related to my long term career goals, and if by what I was told in interview number 2, I was over qualified for the job I was now being interviewed for I’d get promoted quickly, so okay why not. It was tough to swallow, but I kept telling myself it all work out, it will all work out…

After a test of my editing skills, and yet another interview I was told that I would hear back by early August. So, I waited, and wondered, and speculated, and prepared myself for what would be offered, and what I would counter offer with, and just hoped it would all work out…

In the end, a deal could not be reached,, and I had to step and recognize that while the economy is bad, and while times are tough, and even though I am not the only person in LA with a pretty decent resume, and that while I only have 4.5 years of experience, that maybe just maybe I might actually deserve more than was being offered, that I am worth more than what was on the table, if nothing else I was at least worth the job I had already done before, and even if it meant waiting a little longer and a more days of having no purpose, I couldn’t agree to the deal that was being offered and if they couldn’t agree to what I was asking for then it wasn’t going to work for either side. Having the job not work out over something like money, was odd, but oddly liberating at the same time. I actually think both myself and the company are better off for the deal not working.

And I just want to point out, it wasn’t just about money, though fine it played a big part. It was about a lot of things, how big the company was or wasn’t, how actually related to my long term goals was or wasn’t it, and while I could see it being related, I didn’t see it being directly on the path I wanted to take, it was about what I was expected to do with the title I was being offered, it was about where I was going and what I wanted, and what they needed, in the ended what they needed wasn’t someone like me, who probably would have realized shortly into it that I wanted to be some place else.

It was a strange few days, but I found it liberating, and I found out that I am a lot stronger than I thought.

I put myself out there and while on some level I may have missed out on the opportunity for a job, I gained the opportunity to stand up for myself, and learn a little something.